With my mood apparently improving, I now had to face another issue...
21st September 2019
One of my best friends got married on this day. The run up to the wedding had been a tough few days. Lots going on, to be done, last minute emergencies etc. As a self-confessed helper/fixer, I was called upon to help and fix things and ended up dragging both my sisters in to help very last minute on the day. My darling daughters helped spectacularly, too and the day went off almost without a hitch. The reason I mention it is because my friend asked me to speak at the wedding for her. Public speaking is not a thing I do. I hated the idea and had already lined up my eldest to do it if I couldn't but given what I was trying to do, I agreed to at least try. Here's the post from that day...
This is what happens when people get married!
Omg, what a day. Starting at 04:45 Saturday and finishing at 00:30 Sunday, I can honestly say it was one of the most wonderful and challenging days I've experienced.
There were a few hitches but with the help of my gorgeous sisters and everyone pulling together, it all came together in the end.
And if watching a loving couple finally tie the knot wasn't enough, I faced another of my anxieties! J and P - The girls and I wish you both every happiness xxx
Omg, what a day. Starting at 04:45 Saturday and finishing at 00:30 Sunday, I can honestly say it was one of the most wonderful and challenging days I've experienced.
There were a few hitches but with the help of my gorgeous sisters and everyone pulling together, it all came together in the end.
And if watching a loving couple finally tie the knot wasn't enough, I faced another of my anxieties! J and P - The girls and I wish you both every happiness xxx
25th September 2019
So, after almost 5 weeks off, I went back to work this week. I tried to go back sooner but that didn't pan out. Anyway, since I don't work Mondays, Tuesday was 'the day'. It started off okay, had a couple of meetings, read some emails and did a few small bits of actual work. It went well so I ended the day feeling positive.
Wednesday was hard. I did not want to get out of bed and go again but I did. I wore my hoody (my comfort blanket essentially) and I made sure to tell those who needed to know when I was struggling. It was pretty crap but I got through it.
Today was worse still. I had a headache before I even started work. Struggled to focus most of the day and couldn't wait to get out at the end of my shift. Today sucked arse. I still got through it.
Tomorrow is a new day. I'm struggling right now to see how it can be better given the trend for the week so far but I am trying to change my mindset and head into it at the very least without dread.
I know stuff needs to change and that starts with me so this is me admitting to my feelings, owning them and telling them to sod off.
I do not wish to be held hostage by negativity. If change is needed then change is coming. Please help and support me where you can. I am human.
Wednesday was hard. I did not want to get out of bed and go again but I did. I wore my hoody (my comfort blanket essentially) and I made sure to tell those who needed to know when I was struggling. It was pretty crap but I got through it.
Today was worse still. I had a headache before I even started work. Struggled to focus most of the day and couldn't wait to get out at the end of my shift. Today sucked arse. I still got through it.
Tomorrow is a new day. I'm struggling right now to see how it can be better given the trend for the week so far but I am trying to change my mindset and head into it at the very least without dread.
I know stuff needs to change and that starts with me so this is me admitting to my feelings, owning them and telling them to sod off.
I do not wish to be held hostage by negativity. If change is needed then change is coming. Please help and support me where you can. I am human.
~The replies I got to the above post were sensational! They genuinely helped me to keep going. Here are a few of them:
You’ll get there hun, it’s early days. Find little things that help you to feel safe to get you through the day. I think you’re very brave, I know I could really do with having some time away from work, I’m struggling a lot but pushing myself through this is all part of my anxiety, I won’t give myself permission to go off sick despite so many people who love me trying to convince me. Keep your head up and take each day as it comes my lovely. Maybe have some kind of treat to look forward to after work however small xx
You are an amazing lady and you will smash today.
You know where I am if you ever need me and I mean that for in and out of work.
Your incredible. Don’t forget that xxx
You know where I am if you ever need me and I mean that for in and out of work.
Your incredible. Don’t forget that xxx
You’ll get through tomorrow knowing you’ll spend Saturday morning with some awesome friends who all have your back and know your amazing 😘😘😘
Oh mate, this breaks my 💔 if anyone can get through it, it’s you! you’ll get there eventually and well done you for getting through the day! Tomorrow is a new day! You’ve come so far already, you should be proud! ✨
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