Diary of a Mummy with the Crazies

With my mood apparently improving, I now had to face another issue... 21st September 2019 One of my best friends got married on this day. The run up to the wedding had been a tough few days. Lots going on, to be done, last minute emergencies etc. As a self-confessed helper/fixer, I was called upon to help and fix things and ended up dragging both my sisters in to help very last minute on the day. My darling daughters helped spectacularly, too and the day went off almost without a hitch. The reason I mention it is because my friend asked me to speak at the wedding for her. Public speaking is not a thing I do. I hated the idea and had already lined up my eldest to do it if I couldn't but given what I was trying to do, I agreed to at least try. Here's the post from that day... This is what happens when people get married! Omg, what a day. Starting at 04:45 Saturday and finishing at 00:30 Sunday, I can honestly say it was one of the most wonderful and challenging d...

Keeping strong, with some awesome responses to my posts, I reverted back to a few memes, finding my own words just not right or fitting and so these happened: ~Ha! I love this one. It's sooo perfectly me! :D ~This one just made me smile - I wished it were true for me at the time but it gave a little hope at least: By now, we'd reached the midway point of the month and my meme addiction started to abate a little, allowing me to attempt to write some actual words...just a few though. 16th September 2019 Anxiety / Depression When you don't have the words to accurately describe how you feel and yet you feel you need to tell someone, say something, even rant or rage online but just... Can't. This is the closest I've ever gotten to explaining it and yet this doesn't say anywhere near enough! ~Dammit! Not quite pearls of wisdom but it's what I had and I went with it. 17th September 2019 Just taking a moment here to acknowledge all the awesome ...

So, after that first post was up and I got a couple of positive responses to its very small audience, I wanted to do more...so I did, the very next day.  8th September 2019 # IWillWin # Anxiety Following on from yesterday... Emma started the cooking process but soon got bored waiting for the eggs to boil so she waited it out in the comfort of the living room, giving me the kitchen back. Emma peeled them once cooked and cooled so she did her bit but she did that at the breakfast bar, not in the kitchen. So, it wasn't quite as big a test as it could've been but we did it and nothing bad happened. Emma wanted to try again today, so I let her. This time, she stayed and told me excitedly when the water was boiling and counted the minutes until the eggs were done. It's still hard, harder today than yesterday but I'm determined to do this and Elle has agreed to try cooking something with me tomorrow. Her being older should be better for me, I think but she also know...

So, part two from the archive... Thanks for sticking with this. Believe me when I say my FB friends had a whole lot more to put up with!  ~At this point, it's quite obvious to most people that I'm not okay and genuinely, I was a complete mess. The only thing going for me (in my head) was my girls. I did everything I could to avoid people in real life around this time, too :'( 6th August 2019 24th August 2019 If you're only given what you can handle, me and my girls must be some of the strongest and most resilient people around! Keep coming at us, we will keep going, we will grow and we will not quit!  💪   ♥

So, as I said in the Intro, this all began with Facebook so I figured I'd give you a back-catalogue of the Facebook posts rather than attempt to summarise. I'm not going to try to squeeze them all into one post on here though as it'd be too much so please bear with me while I catch you up! :D ~At this point, I was starting to post stuff but not actually admitting I was suffering badly and so I used a lot of memes as well as my own words~ 13th July 2019: Sometimes, you just need to cry and that's okay. Sometimes, emotions just overflow like that. Sometimes, you don't even know why and you don't have to. Sometimes, you just need to let it all out. Whatever it is, don't try to hold it back. You don't have to explain, you don't have to speak, you don't have to stop, you don't have to do anything except exactly what you feel you need to do in that moment. 18th July 2019: 20th July 2019

September was the month I finally started to face the face that I was a mess, I needed help but more importantly, I needed to help myself... 1st September 2019 5th September 2019 Note: This is my own image which I added the words to. No idea if it's a particular quote, just words which came to me. 7th December 2019 This is the one...the first 'real' post publicly acknowledging what was going on. Admitedly, slightly hidden by being in the comments rather than the post itself but anyway... Emmas first time cooking. # IWillWin # AnxietyCannotBeatMe *Insert Photos of my baby-girl cooking* Comments from me: Anxiety... A funny word in itself and one which carries an awful lot of weight and pressure for those of us unfortunate enough to suffer with strong bouts of it. I've suffered all my life. As an adult, my struggles have become more apparent. As a paren t, they're unreal. I'm sure I'm not the worst sufferer in the world but ...

I am a single mum of two beautiful girls. They are my world and literally the reason I am still alive today. I have suffered severe depression and anxiety on and off since I suddenly lost my mum almost 15 years ago and those two girls are what stops the thoughts going to the darkest place in my darkest times. When I look back, I undoubtedly suffered both long before that but not in the same way, and not to the severity I suffered after. Mum's passing was a pretty big trigger, as I'm sure it would be for many people and whilst the anxieties were there, doing their thing in the background, it was only the depression I recognised and did anything about, leaving anxieties to build and worsen over time. I affectionately refer to my anxieties as crazies - there is no disrespect there, I just find a bit of satire helps my process. I refer to myself as a nutter, a loon or as bat-shit-crazy on a regular basis. After a particularly bad bout of anxiety (a month off work bad), an...